dude

for those of you who dont know yet, this weekeed was the best part of marching season. ever. Yes, I know that we didnt advance beyond the prelims, that we ranked 11th when 10th would have had us in the finals, when we had to sit in mute disbelief among the cheers of Chinco Ranch and maybe creek when their names was called. It was a wierd feeling, when the announcer got to the M's and it was already the 8th one.. No doubt we were all thinking "ya, T is at the end, theres no way we wont make it, not with our really good show..."

And so he got to the 10th band... we heard the reassuring "t" sound that could only precede "taylor," but then the last syllable was drowned out by the uproar from the band sitting right next to ours. Yep, it wasnt taylor....

It was a really wierd feeling... really wierd. You can feel the pressure on ur shoulders... its building and building, and you know that you will burst if its not let out soon. I could almost feel the words reaching my inner ear... a n d   t h e  J a m e s    E  T a y l o r    H i g h   S c h o o l    B a n d.... but heard only silence. All that pressure went away instantly, and was a most peculiarly feeling of vertigo. I felt that dropping sensation in my chest again - the feeling u get when u see the test u bombed or some irreparable object that u broke.

Ya I know what a lot of ppl will say. The season's over dude. What do u think of all that work, all that time, all that rehearsing now? u were running and running, but now u hit a brick wall, and theres no way u will pick up again. What have you done? What have you accomplished? Can you imagine what you did this season? The marathon rehearsal days, the endless repetition of set after set, note after note, step after step. You've hear a million times the yells that ur diagonal is a "disaster", ur "out of the form", and winced when janda boomed from the tower that u "dont move at attention!" as you wiped the dirty sweat of of ur forehead after hours in the baking sun. What do u think of yourself now, huh? Look at you - ur wasted, filthy, and cooked to a crisp.

You know what? Your absolutely right. I have absolutely no idea what all that work, time, effort, energy, rehearsal, runthroughs, half-time shows, and marathons through the hallways with a 5 kg water bottle and a 30 kg instrument were for. Why the hell did I spend 8 hours a week tip-toeing across the baking concrete? I've sweated, panted, and ached for 3 months. All for what? For 30 second water breaks and endless Janda lectures?

I'll tell you what for.

For the privlege of living with 250 other sweaty, filthy, cooked-to-a-crisp people inside the curbs of our own parking lot. 

For getting your chin up, your weight on the balls of your feet, feeling yourself being pulled upwards into the sky, and having a sensation of always falling forward and never leaning back.

For starting together, keeping our feet in step, and getting that last horns down together.

For being able to stagger down the halls after 6 pm and collapsing upon the cold floor of the band hall with the unmistakable feeling of another day completed.

For the joy of run-throughs in run-through uniforms, in always either 40 degree sunlight or torrential downpour.

For having to always squint through the sunlight that shines in the corner of my eye when in the window seat to the stadium, and the mass chaos that drowns out my cd player on the way back.

That, I tell you, is what I march for, I play for, and I live for.

"Some would ask, how could a perfect god create a universe filled with so much that is evil? They have missed a greater conundrum: why would a perfect god create a universe at all?"

                                                                        -Sister Miriam Godwinson

                                                                        "But for the Grace of God"

“As the Americans learned so painfully in earth’s final century, free flow of information is the only safeguard against tyranny. The once-chained people whose leaders at last lose their grip on information flow will soon burst with freedom and vitality, but the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into despotism. Beware he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master…”

                                                                        -Commissioner Pravin Lal,

                                                                        U.N. Declaration of Rights

hello i just set up my site....

so i am supposed to talk about whats going on in my world. What is going on in the world anyway? do u know what is going on in your world? what about the standard world, anyway? well, you say that you see the computer screen in front of you. you say that you are reading this text while the miscellaneous things around the home go past in a blur. kid brother acting stupid again, parents yelling at you... etc. outside, the street is quiet, dull, rows of houses stretching onward while the occasional car passes by. kids play at the driveways, animals, pets, lawn mowers. the neighborhood is alive with activity. outside the subdivision, the world never stops, it seems. the highways are a never-ending stream of noisy vehicles throwing out harmful carbon and sulfuric compounds into the atmosphere. the signs of our society are clear: houses, businesses, recreation areas; human influence and presence wraps around itself many times over. the city is a colage of lights, whistles, sounds, the beehive of thousands of humans ranting and yelling at each other. this scene repeats itself across the whole of our little piece of rock, out in the middle of nowhere. Life - it is a strange thing, changing, growing, reshaping the surroundings, existing in perfect accord with the universe yet completely different and in dissonance at every turn. and the other dimension of this place - the nonliving behaves in accordance with the universe's rules; always acting in ways fundamentally predictable. Its a cascade - the infinite row of dominos branching out into infinite paths of occurence, as the universe constantly shuffles and divides as the dominos fall. but do we actually see the dominos fall? or are we only witness to the lingering shadows and displaced air currents left in their wake? We only see what seems to exist, we only understand what is apparently understood.